Hidden behind a smile

 

Just smile they won't see the pain inside. The warmth of your smile and the kindness in your eyes are often used as a facade to hide pain, hurt, turmoil, confusion, and thoughts that aren't shared with anyone. Each of those feelings are carried like rocks weighing down your body. When life goes wrong in so many ways and there seems to be no where to turn all these different feelings can lead to self destruction. When that point is reached within me I feel hopeless, discouraged, alone, unworthy and even thoughts that the world would be better off without me. I am a Christian and know that these feelings are all brought upon by the enemy and he preys on me most at 2 points in life, when I feeling weak and vulnerable and when I am excelling at something I love. When I make a bad decision the enemy is right there to cheer me on he wants to see me fail, make me feel like I am in bondage, shameful, unworthy and tells me that there is no turning back. if he can keep you away from Jesus then he can keep these feelings alive by continually feeding the negative thoughts. Don't allow him to hold you down with the chains of hell. If you are like me you can create your own personal hell inside and no one would even notice because you have learned to hide it so well. People you talk to regularly may not have the slightest idea of any of the battles you fight with in. Even when you try to communicate that something is wrong, sometimes life is so busy and everyone is so wrapped up in everything they have going on the small cues are easily missed. I can portray strong, grounded, encouraged, and paint a picture of everything is alright when in reality that is not always the case. I easily pour myself into working to much, letting life take over me, instead of living life victorious. I know that Jesus loves me unconditionally and that he wants me to live an abundant life, figuring out how to get past bad choices, wrong turns, and alienating myself from the world is a whole different story. I have been truly blessed in life, this life was created for me and I know God has a plan. Sometimes finding the right path means losing everything, hitting rock bottom and having no where to go but up. Prayer works wonders, because Jesus is always there to listen. No matter how far you stray from Him, he will always be there to help you pick up the pieces. I speak first hand because I have never claimed to be perfect and I have made more than my fair share of mistakes, when I stop trying to do things "my way, my time" and focus on one step at a time knowing that Jesus is always on time, no matter how late I am, not only am I a better person, I don't lead the self destructive life that I have at times. I have hurt and been hurt, I have betrayed and ben betrayed, I have sinned, but this can't be the life that was created just for me. Getting past the different emotional baggage that has been a life long journey is not easy, letting go of hurt, pain and allowing the scars to heal is a road less traveled by me. I'm thankful that I have never self medicated with drugs to make it day by day. But that doesn't mean my smile isn't hiding an internal battle that sometimes feels overwhelming. As I gain my footing in this story called life I will not allow the enemy to srteal, kill or destroy my light. The devil has worked double and triple time to gain the upper hand, but I will not allow him to win. I have struggled with trying to gain control of different things to only become more discouraged and overwhelmed, I have listened to the thoughts of suicide, it would just be easier to end it all, the words of being unworthy, hopeless, you will never be good enough, you have made mistakes, you are broken. I am very broken some days, and damaged in so many ways. Waking up out of my sleep in the middle of the night to hear Jesus tell me no matter what the past looks like, no matter any challenge you may face ahead it's going to be alright. I believe him.    If you know someone that is struggling with something reach out to them, pray with them, try to listen to hear what they are saying or not saying. With suicide rates at an all time high in our country, don't allow the smile to hide the pain. Sometimes the simplest things are what allows someone to hold on and make it through what ever it may be that is overwhelming them to a point of feeling like they are drowning. Live in community and abundantly. Show grace and mercy just like Jesus shows us. Love unconditionall, encourage, and speak life into others.    💖💖💖  

Cocktail of Shrimp a twist if deliciousness

My love for great food is a never ending search. Bartending for quite a few years now I have come across many new things from different people but today's recipe is a great twist on a favorite dish. It's definitely not the "traditional shrimp cocktail". This variation is full of complex flavors and lots of body. It will make your tongue excited and your belly throw a party. It makes a good size bowl and I could eat the entire thing it's so good. Enjoy your time in the kitchen, be grateful and stay blessed. 

Ingredients

Shrimp:

3 teaspoons dried oregano

3 tablespoons ground cumin

3 tablespoons crushed garlic

1 1/2 teaspoons sea salt

1 1/2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper

6 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

3 teaspoon hot sauce (recommended: Tapatio)

2 dozen 21/25 count shrimp, shelled, deveined, and butterflied

Cocktail Sauce:

1 1/2 cups ketchup

1 1/2 cups orange soda (recommended: Fanta)

1 cucumber, peeled, cut into 1/2-inch cubes - I use the seedless cucumbers 

2 avocados, peeled, pitted, cut into 1/2-inch cubes

1 red onion, peeled, cut into 1/2-inch cubes

3 tablespoons roughly chopped fresh cilantro leaves

2 limes, juiced

3 tablespoons hot sauce (recommended: Tapatio)

Lime slices, for serving

Crackers, for serving (recommended: Ritz crackers or butter crackers.) 

Directions

For the shrimp: Prepare a grill to medium-high heat.

Mix all the ingredients except for the shrimp in a 1-gallon zip lock bag. Add the shrimp and marinate in the refrigerator for up to 6 hours.

Remove the shrimp from the marinade and sauté in a pan over medium heat. Cook until the meat is opaque. Remove from heat and cool immediately. Cut each shrimp into 4 pieces. I leave my shrimp whole and just use a little extra shrimp. 

For the cocktail sauce: Mix all the ingredients together.

Add the shrimp to the sauce. Mix together and chill before serving. Can be served in a martini glasses with slices of lime and crackers. 

Journeys

On this beautiful Saturday, weather is warm and spring is on it's way. Reflecting on when I was a child growing up remembering warm sunny days and beautiful skies. It means that birds will soon start singing and flowers will start blooming. Our days will soon be brighter and longer. As I prepare myself for spring time I find myself preparing for other journeys in life. A few things stand out and remind me more and more each day that I am a child of God, I am beautifully, wonderfully and fearfully made. No weapon forged against me shall prosper. As humans we sometimes rely on flesh decisions and think that bad things happen are going to be the end. When I stop and realize that there is always a plan and remind myself that I don't have to know the plan. Patience is the key and allow yourself to walk by faith and not by site. God has great things in store for each of us we just have to follow the path and try not to deviate and create our own. Allow the doors we are coming they to close if necessary there is no possible way to go thru doors that are opening if we are still looking for things in the doors that are closing. Embrace change and remember you might bend but you won't break. Be an arrow and shoot for the stars. 

Topsy Turvy but BLESSED beyond measure

Life is always fast paced go go go, this week has been filled with lots of reflection , blessings and praying. Something important that I learned was not only does one have to believe in the miracle but they have to trust in it as well. I have turned my world upside down and working on getting it right side up. Settling is not an option and making sure I am on the right path to live love and laugh to the fullest and not only fulfill my life's purpose but my life's passion. As I attended a high school graduation today a valedictorian relayed to his classmates the quote from a song "don't worry 'cuz every little thing is going to be alright". I have never believed and trusted that more in my life than I do now. My faith is a strong point in my life and it was time to give control back to The Creator and allow him to drive. With him at the wheel I will be guided in the right direction and able to connect not only with family and friends but have the ability to volunteer and do so many things that are important to me. As I begin this new journey in life I'm thankful for all the struggles that have taught me so many lessons, the friends I have met along the way, the exciting times as well as the tears. There are no regrets, mistakes are only mistakes if we do not learn from our experiences. I look forward to having some normalcy and sleeping when it's dark (I have yet to figure out how I will do this) and not working so many hours in a week I don't know what day or week it is. To new adventures and abundant blessings for all. 

Phil 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

My meatloaf experiment

As much as I love to cook I also love to experiment in the kitchen with spices and seasonings so that my food has lots of flavor, the other day I decided I was going to experiment with meatloaf... I had been seeing on pinterest more than a fair share of recipes for meat loaf in muffin pans .... seems simple enough but with meatloaf that recipe has to be perfect in my eyes because who wants to eat a ball of hamburger that has no flavor or just covered in ketchup... on pinterest I think you can find meatloaf covered in everything under the sun and well I am pretty tradional when it comes to meatloaf and there are certain things you eat with it ... potatoes being one of them .... I am also one of those people that have never liked for my food to touch especially things like mashed potatoes and corn. So now the experiment ... Hamburger meat is thawed ... Realizing I don't have onion or bell pepper and not in the mood to go to the store ... This is really turning into a life experiment. Open the spice cabinet and I begin sprinkling pinching dumping shaking garlic black pepper salt basil italian seasoning onion powder crushed red pepper a little more basil and garlic white pepper oregano. Ok let's move to the fridge grab some ketchup Worcestershire an egg. Pantry brown sugar bread crumbs and grab a spatula. Mix just until mixed didn't want to over work the meat and make it tough. I didn't measure anything just kind of added by sight and there was ketchup and Worcestershire in the mix but the brown sugar was for the glaze on top.  I separated in small sections according to the muffin pan. Sprayed with non stick olive oil spray.  I happened to be using a large muffin pan rolled each section into a ball and pressed down so that it fit snuggly into the pan and there were no air pockets or gaps. I baked at 350 degrees for about 15 min while I prepared the glaze top of brown sugar ketchup and Worcestershire mixing well no clumps if sugar. Pouring over each meat muffin and baking an additional 15-20 minutes or until reaching 160 degrees inside and cooked through. I don't like my top burned so I cook a little prior to putting it on. While it finished cooking I made roasted garlic and herb mashed potatoes. You can make homemade or from a box which ever you want, I let cool a few minutes and added to a party bag using a 1M tip I piped the potatoes on top of the meat loaf muffins and put them back in the oven for 5-7 min on broil to get slightly browned. 

Of course I fed this to someone other than me to get honest reviews and they totally loved it and tried to lick the bowl it was delivered in but couldn't figure out how since it was a small Tupperware bowl. :) then requested the left overs the next day. I really enjoyed it and was angry at myself did not measuring anything because the flavor was outstanding. I served it with green beans the first night and broccoli the second night.  I was even impressed with the potatoes and the meat together and decided it would be the way I eat my meatloaf in the future. So this experiment was a success.